More political quizzes

You are a Social Liberal (86% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (10% permissive) You are best described as a: Democratic Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Ya know, I may disagree with the word they chose to use to describe my classification, but I'm okay with being likened to Martin Luther King Jr. and Bono. If Ghandi is a socialist, then so am I!

Via fellow columnist Sarah Pevey over at General Pevey's Empire

I've taken some other political quizzes. You can see them here if you want. Otherwise, peace out yo.

Another Republican indicted?!?

Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham (R-CA) pleads guilty to taking bribes, mail fraud, wire fraud, and tax evasion.

It never ends...

First DeLay, then Libby, with Rove and Frist waiting in the wings. Now Cunningham is out, too. I've always said "business ethics" was an oxymoron. Now it's starting to look like "Conservative morality" is too.

Just how much does Bush hate the media?

Did Bush seriously consider bombing al-Jazeera? - CNN

At least one british newspaper seems to think so, and the rest of the international news agencies are starting to wonder as well.

A six page internal memo leaked to the press describes British Prime Minister Tony Blair having to talk George W. Bush out of bombing al-Jazeera, the Saudi based news agency equivicable to CNN.

There is no way of knowing whether or not the memo is factual, but there are some startling facts that suggest that it is. The primary indicator is the British government threatening British news agencies with prosecution for violating national security press laws if they report on the memo any farther.

Bush has never had anyhting nice to say about al-Jazeera because they show the things that American news agencies won't, such as the videos of Osama bin Laden and Omar al-Zarqari as well as becoming infamous worldwide for airing some of the beheading videos uncensored.

But Bush's main problem with al-Jazeera is that they don't have to toe the lines he has placed on American and British journalists because they are welcomed into the countries they report in, including Iraq. They can show whatever they want, and they are the only news agency that regularly shows how unpopular the war is over there. They have also used their editorial time to regularly lambast his administration and his war. I applaud them for that, but he derides them for the same reason, and has gone on record as such, calling them "terrorists without guns."

There is no way to know if this story is true. Even if it is, there's no way of telling whether or not this statement might have been in the context of a joke. But if it is a joke, it is a tastless one.

Both field headquarters of al-Jazeera in Afganistan and Iraq were bombed by American air strikes, supposedly by accident, though the Bush administration has patently refused to initiate an investigation on either incident. But more importantly is the fact that journalists, i.e. civilians, are being targeted across the middle east by terrorists simply because of their jobs, especially in Iraq.

Now, I don't kid myself into thinking I'm a journalist. I've never taken a journalism course, and I tried my hand at newswriting only to find it incredibly taxing and bitter tasting in my mouth. Those that can do it with ease have my respect simply because I cannot do it. I'm a columnist, an opinion and rhtetoric writer for a university newspaper, and occasionally I write an essay or speak for some smaller groups on issues of politics and society. But I can't help but feel a sense of kinship with the people that go out there into the crossfire risking career, health, and even their lives to bring the truth to light. I would be nothing without the information they provide, because all I do is comment on it. They bring it to us.

Journalists are people, not statistics. They are mothers, fathers, brothers, daughters, and cousins performing a job as essiential to modern society as teachers, custodians, and computer programmers. They give to charity. They believe in God. They are just like you and I, Mr. Bush.
They are not the butt-ends of very bad jokes.

And God help you if you were serious. Because that makes you more of a terrorist than they ever could be.

Bush's Bombing List

Hat tip to Jesus' General

Tomorrow, Bob Woodward will reveal the following list of things Our Leader wants to bomb after he bombs Al Jazeera.

1. Spongebob Squarepants's pineapple under the sea.
2. Breathalizer Inc's corporate offices
3. Those Chinese doors
4. Sy Hersh's notebook
5. His Bicycle
6. Utz Pretzels
7. The bastard who gave Condi herpes
8. Websters Dictionary
9. A great big frog
10. Karl's mighty spatula of presidential discipline

I'd like to add the folowing to the list:

11. Whoever publised "My Pet Goat."
12. Whoever headed the search committee to nominate Harriet Meirs to the Supreme Court.

~Peace

On Vacation

Hey Everyone,

This is just a reminder, but I'm going to Rome, Italy from Friday, November 19 to Sunday, November 27. There will be columns, but probably no website or blog updates. If you write me I may or may not respond during this time, but I will get back to you eventually I promise. Otherwise, peace out and have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

~Peace
Jon

PS Save some turkey for me. I don't think they celebrate the founding of Plymouth over there...

No I WILL NOT Condemn Them!

So stop asking. No more e-mails. No more facebook messages. No more IMs. Well actually, keep 'em coming cause I love getting 'em, but just don't ask me if I think what they did was wrong, because I don't.

The protesters that snuck inside the Baker presentation and shouted chants and pulled out the massive banner did nothing wrong. It may have been somewhat disrespectful to Baker, but, having been a leader in ousting Nixon, Baker should more than understand where we're coming from. if only there was a republican in congress now that had the guts to ask the questions Baker asked during the Nixon investigations.

I Made National News

Cheney Heckled by Anti-War Protesters - Associated Press / CNN

Well okay, it wasn't just me and it's not like I was mentioned by name or anything, but I was there damn it! We had some great chants going and there were probably close to a hundred of us there. Those that got inside with the banner have my utmost respect, cuase that took guts.

UPDATE: More Press

Protesters Rally, Inside and Out - Knoxville News Sentinel

Vice-President Dick Cheney speaks in Knoxville - WBIR Channel 10

VIDEO
WATE Video Links - Click the second video
Video of Cheney's remarks. You can hear the protesters start to chant at around 3:30. I wasn't with them inside, but they made the news.

Pat Robertson Condemns town To Hell

He's a nutbag, I'm here to tell ya.

Robertson warns PA town of disaster

Because they "voted God out of your city," Pat Robertson believes that the town of Dover, PA is headed straight to hell.

The Dover School Board had been considering allowing Intelligent Design to be taught beside evolution in schools. Earlier this week, every single member that supported ID was defeated in their reelection bids. According to Pat Robertson, this isn't democracy at work, but rather the damnation of an entire town.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city...God is tolerant and loving, but we can't keep sticking our finger in his eye forever...If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them."

Funny, I'm pretty sure God can't be voted out of anywere. Furthermore, I'm prety sure the voters are merely making a statement about good science versus bad philosophy taught as science.

Also, I could have sworn that I read somewhere that God wasn't vengeful...and that he had unending patience. I can't remember where I read that. Some book these four dude's wrote, oh what's their names...Matt, Mark, Luke, and John I think. Sigh...the book title escapes me, but its a pretty good read. Maybe Pat Robertson should pick it up sometime.

Tragedy in Campbell County

Shooting in Campbell County High School

http://www.wbir.com/news/news.aspx?storyid=29978

As I write this, one assistant principal is dead and another assistant and the principal are in critical condition. The assailant was a fourteen year old high school freshman.

Pray for the students, teachers and families.

Electroshock not covered by my HMO

John Carruthers is a funny, funny man.

We Love Our Columnists

No matter how often we disagree with them, we love our staff columnists. Be they insanely conservative or outrageously liberal, we respect all viewpoints because we are the world and all that crap.

Given the broad array of issues they discuss, we expect and receive a good amount of letters to the editor. Some of them are marriage proposals, and some call for the medieval torture of certain columnists.

We love the letters as well (we’re full of love and liquor today), because we enjoy feedback, and it gets us out of writing editorials.

But please, if you don’t like them, keep it somewhat respectable. For example:
Good: “While he may have some facts behind him, it’s important to look at the big picture.”
Bad: “He sucks; his mother is a mule and he should be beaten daily with a short length of pipe. GO VOLS!!!!1”

So keep the letters coming. But keep in mind that we’re not going to give Jon Fish electroshock therapy, throw Chris Hedgepeth in a well or smack Patrick Christiana in the back of the head “’til he gets him some damn sense.” OK, maybe the last one.

I was in the office today and happened to catch John there. He informed me that the Beacon would not pay for my electroshock treatments. Sigh...

I dunno about marriage proposals, but I have gotten the occasional offer for anonymous sex between classes. I usually respectfully decline, mainly because there's no way to know for sure if that's a woman on the other side or not.

Ah well.

Patrick Christiana's Political Affiliation Quiz

Patrick Christiana is the best political humor columnist the Beacon has ever had. Anyway, he offered up a quiz to help people determine their political affiliation. You can view it here. Anyway, here's my answers:

Part one. Please answer yes or no.
No. 1. Do you wear Birkenstocks?
no

No. 2. Have you ever been to a monster truck rally?
no

No. 3. Do you own a Che Guevara T-shirt?
no, but I would probabyl be okay with wearing one

No. 4. If a woodchuck could chuck wood, would that make it an environmental hazard?
probably not, unless an endangered species was hit by the falling tree

No. 5. Have you ever burned a Dixie Chicks album?
What would that solve? I propose burning the Dixie Chicks themselves.

No. 6. Do you eat tofu?
Ew...

No. 7. If a tree falls in the woods and it hits Ann Coulter, do you care?
Well, I would be depressed because I would be forced to be original instead of having someone like her to make fun of in my columns. On the other hand, if she were to be killed, I could always change targets to Chris Hedgepeth. He's just about as bad.

No. 8. Have you ever purchased a fish taco?
Is that a euphamism for buying a prostitute?

No. 9. Does anyone still like Madonna?
Well, she is the mother og Jesus...

No. 10. Do these pants make me look fat?
Those don't, but the polka-dotted spandex you wore to The Carousel was just wrong.

Great job! Give yourself ten points for getting this far. Unless you said I look fat, then you only get five points.

Part two. Circle one.
No. 11. Larger hurricanes are the result of (a) Global Warming (b) the Wrath of God
Global Warming is caused by the Wrath of God. Duh.

No. 12. If I had to chose, I would drive (a) a tractor (b) a golf cart (c) the General Lee

No. 13. These bones in the ground, they belong to (a) dinosaurs (b) dragons

Satan put dinosaur bones there to confuse us!

No. 14. I find the fact that Bill O’Reilly sexually harassed a co-worker (a) upsetting, he has important things to say (b) vindicating, he’s a real jerk (c) irrelevant (d) arousing

Those tapes were hawt...

No. 15. My favorite movie is (a) “Fahrenheit 9/11” (b) “Pearl Harbor” (c) “A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors”

Dream warriors!!!

No. 16. For Halloween, I thought I would scare people by dressing as (a) a terrorist (b) a French person (c) cyborg Dick Cheney (d) President Hillary Clinton

President Ann Coulter!

No. 17. I think guns (a) are great, we need more, yee-haw (b) should only be used to abort babies (c) I have shot myself in the foot and cannot finish this questionnaire

Should only be used to abort baby puppies.

No. 18. I would love to deny having sexual relations with (a) Jenna Bush (b) Vanessa Kerry (c) Nancy Reagan

Any chance I can hook up a Jenna Bush/Vanessa Kerry 3-way?

No. 19. In your dreams, (a) Bill Clinton is dictator for life (b) George Bush is your significant other/life partner (c) everyone is Christian (d) you are the Wizard Master

I don't have to dream to be the Wizard Master.

No. 20. When the Vols lose a football game, I tend to (a) cry and drink until I pass out (b) write geeky letters into the Beacon (c) be thankful that I bet they wouldn’t cover the spread (d) I only watch figure skating

Who are the vols?

No. 21. I think that President Bush’s speeches are (a) inspiring (b) infuriating (c) hilarious (d) arousing

Unlike Bill O'Reilley, I don't touch myself when George Bush speaks.

No. 22. I find former comedian turned political satirist Janeane Garofalo to be (a) unfunny (b) annoying (c) insufferable (d) I think you are using the term “comedian” a little too loosely

Um...D

No. 23. California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (a) is an evil Republican (b) is an evil Democrat pretending to be a Republican (c) was great in “Last Action Hero” and should get to grope all the women he wants

I loved Last Action Hero! Grope away Mr. S.!

No. 24. To me, gay marriage is (a) a constitutional right (b) a sin in the eyes of God (c) way hot when it involves two chicks

Hawt.

No. 25. If there is one thing I hate, it is (a) George Bush (b) Bill Clinton (c) France (d) America (e) War (f) Peace (g) Wal-Mart (h) Sean Penn (i) sarcastic columnists (j) when your roommate puts his feet up on the sink and cuts his toenails

Sarcastic columnists piss me off.

No. 26. You are deep in the Mountain King’s lair. The orcs are closing in on you and you are out of magic arrows. There is a tunnel to your left. A rope hangs in front of you. What will you do?

I went down the tunnel, but you forgot about my +3 dagger of Minotaur slaying :p

Mwahahaha!